Rabbitohs

Everybody watch as the Rabbitohs run away
They’re shakin’ in their boots ’cause they play the Warriors today
The poor little Rabbitohs are never gonna reach their prime
They’re in the wrong place at the wrong time

Everbody laugh as the Rabbitohs run and hide
The Warriors win with power, passion and pride
The Rabbitohs drop as the Warriors start their climb
Rabbits in the wrong place at the wrong time

Oma rapeti, oma rapeti
Oma oma oma

Everybody cheer as the Rabbitohs jump and run
The Warriors quest for domination has begun
The poor little Rabbitohs failed to see the sign
In the wrong place at the wrong time

…it was just lucky no one was killed…and now for sport…

The world’s best rugby league player is set to turn his back on the game. Sources close to the Brisbane Broncos have revealed Darren Lockyer’s desire to make a name for himself in the world of fashion. He hopes to release a range of muppet related pyjamas in time for Christmas 2009.

02 Paul Gallon Opens Hair Dressing Salon

…unfortunately the only witness was a dog…and now for sport…

Paul Gallon insists he hasn’t gone soft. The Cronulla Sharks hard man has convinced his club to allow him to open his own hair dressing salon. When asked if he preferred styling lady’s hair to playing rugby league he giggled and held his hand over his mouth. He’s so bashful!

03 Scott Prince Takes Pictures Of Donkeys

…he ended up falling to his death anyway…and now for sport…

Everyone knows what a great rugby league player Scott Prince is but there’s so much more to the Titans halfback than meets the eye. During the off-season he left his home on the Gold Coast and toured the world taking pictures of donkeys. He now has over 4 billion photos in his personal collection.

04 Billy Slater Fights Off Giant Spider

…and luckily only a few old people were injured…and now for sport…

Billy Slater, the mercurial fullback from the Melbourne Storm, has been hailed a hero today. The Australian fullback was on hand to save a pack of old ladies from a giant spider. The mutant arachnid, standing over 2 metres tall, had escaped from a nearby amusement park. Mr Slater killed the creature by stabbing it repeatedly with a toothpick.

05 Steve Price Gains Karate Black Belt

…and then she shot him 3 times in the neck…and now for sport…

After years of trying Steve Price has finally earned his karate black belt. The New Zealand Warriors star has been waxing on and off in the privacy of his own home for over a decade and a half. When asked how he felt about his achievement, Mr Price said, “No, it’s good. It’s more of a relief than anything else.”

06 Petero Civoniceva Attacks Burglar With Spoon

…maybe he’ll think twice before eating rubber again…and now for sport…

All Petero Civoniceva wanted was a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, a local burglar had other ideas. The Penrith Panthers captain was disturbed in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen to investigate. He managed to apprehend the culprit, beating him about the head and shoulders with a Chinese soup spoon.

07 Jamie Soward Goes Fishing For Squid

…she’ll be eligible for parole in January 2075…and now for sport…

Jamie Soward is best known for his abilities on a rugby league field and his unusual goal kicking rituals. In his spare time, the StGeorge Illawarra player enjoys fishing for squid. He doesn’t eat them though. He uses the ink to refill his extensive collection of European fountain pens.

08 Johnathan Thurston Writes Best Selling Novel

…she didn’t realise the gun was loaded…and now for sport…

Johnathan Thurston has astounded literary critics around the world by penning a volume worthy of a Pulitzer Prize. The freakish halfback from the North Queensland Cowboys based all of the characters in the book on other NRL stars. The lead character, Mrs Loopington, was inspired by Peter Sterling.

09 Brett Kimmorley Plays Accordion At Wedding

…only 3 of the wedding guests survived…and now for sport…

Guests at a recent wedding were entertained by an impromptu performance by Brett Kimmorley. Known more for his cut out passes on a rugby league field, Mr Kimmorley wowed the crowd with a virtuoso performance on the squeeze box. The Canterbury Bulldogs player smiled and danced a little jig while his fingers moved across the keyboard in a fantastic blur.

10 Alan Tongue Accidentally Swallows Chop Sticks

…and then the bridge collapsed and all hell broke loose…and now for sport…

The Canberra Raiders rugby league team celebrated a recent victory at a local sushi bar in the nation’s capital. At some point during the night, Captain Alan Tongue managed to sneeze and swallow a pair of chop sticks. Doctors say nothing can be done until nature takes its course. “I just hope they don’t come out sideways,” Mr Tongue said.

11 Matt Orford Secures World Blinking Record

…his fingertips will now be surgically removed…and now for sport…

Astounded onlookers had to resort to pinching one another to prove they weren’t dreaming today. They witnessed Matt Orford’s successful attempt to break the world blinking record. The Manly Sea Eagle’s linchpin managed to open and close his eyes over 3000 times in one minute. Amazing!

12 Jarrod Mullen Dances For World Peace

…and the boat capsized just before the volcano erupted…and now for sport…

Newcastle Knights rising star Jarrod Mullen has been dancing for over 72 hours. In a letter to a popular Australian women’s magazine, Mr Mullen said he would not stop dancing until war was a distant memory. He already has a blister on his left ankle the size of a small rhinoceros.

13 Nathan Hindmarsh Lip Syncs Pop Songs

…the police reunited the man with his skin 3 weeks later…and now for sport…

Parramatta Eels living legend, Nathan Hindmarsh was lost for words this morning. It was revealed, the man-mountain, tackling machine likes to spend his spare time standing in front of the bathroom mirror miming the words to his favourite pop songs. Mr Hindmarsh refused to comment.

14 Roy Asotasi Burns Rubbish At Fete

…he said it was very rare for anyone to find body parts in cereal boxes…and now for sport…

A South Sydney Rabbitohs player fronted court today charged with starting a fire without a permit. Roy Asotasi attended a fete at a local primary school and had just eaten more than a dozen chocolate crackles when all hell broke loose. A teacher called police after noticing Mr Asotasi raking up rubbish and throwing a match in its general direction.

15 Craig Fitzgibbon Hides Neighbour’s Lotto Winnings

…and smoke from the fire is visible from Mars…and now for sport…

Sydney Rooster’s prankster Craig Fitzgibbon may have gone too far yesterday. The ultra-competitive rugby league star is known for his outlandish sense of humour and zany shenanigans. His next door neighbours have accused the bald clown of hiding their lotto winnings. Mr Fitzgibbon was unavailable for comment today.

16 Benji Marshall Denies Having Botox Injections

…and that’s why more and more babies are being born with facial hair…and now for sport…

Rugby league commentators have long believed Benji Marshalls youthful looks were due to his age. People close to the Wests Tigers and Kiwi’s champion are appalled at rumours suggesting he has lost the ability to frown due to overusing botox. Mr Marshall claims he’s just happy all the time.

Episode 5 of the Aussie Warriors Fan Show just happened to be the round 1 review instalment. It gave me the opportunity to gloat about my 100% tipping effort and bask in the glory of a first up win for the New Zealand Warriors. Included in this episode is a segment where I name who I thought were the five best Warriors player against the Parramatta Eels.

1. Lance Hohaia
2. Jerome Ropati
3. Joel Moon
4. Steve Price
5. Sam Rapira

I made special mention of the South Sydney Rabbitohs for beating the Sydney Roosters and the Bulldogs for smashing the defending premiers, the Manly Sea Eagles. Rugby league was, once again, the winner on the day and the Aussie Warriors Fan took a few more steps towards becoming famous in New Zealand.