…it was just lucky no one was killed…and now for sport…

The world’s best rugby league player is set to turn his back on the game. Sources close to the Brisbane Broncos have revealed Darren Lockyer’s desire to make a name for himself in the world of fashion. He hopes to release a range of muppet related pyjamas in time for Christmas 2009.

02 Paul Gallon Opens Hair Dressing Salon

…unfortunately the only witness was a dog…and now for sport…

Paul Gallon insists he hasn’t gone soft. The Cronulla Sharks hard man has convinced his club to allow him to open his own hair dressing salon. When asked if he preferred styling lady’s hair to playing rugby league he giggled and held his hand over his mouth. He’s so bashful!

03 Scott Prince Takes Pictures Of Donkeys

…he ended up falling to his death anyway…and now for sport…

Everyone knows what a great rugby league player Scott Prince is but there’s so much more to the Titans halfback than meets the eye. During the off-season he left his home on the Gold Coast and toured the world taking pictures of donkeys. He now has over 4 billion photos in his personal collection.

04 Billy Slater Fights Off Giant Spider

…and luckily only a few old people were injured…and now for sport…

Billy Slater, the mercurial fullback from the Melbourne Storm, has been hailed a hero today. The Australian fullback was on hand to save a pack of old ladies from a giant spider. The mutant arachnid, standing over 2 metres tall, had escaped from a nearby amusement park. Mr Slater killed the creature by stabbing it repeatedly with a toothpick.

05 Steve Price Gains Karate Black Belt

…and then she shot him 3 times in the neck…and now for sport…

After years of trying Steve Price has finally earned his karate black belt. The New Zealand Warriors star has been waxing on and off in the privacy of his own home for over a decade and a half. When asked how he felt about his achievement, Mr Price said, “No, it’s good. It’s more of a relief than anything else.”

06 Petero Civoniceva Attacks Burglar With Spoon

…maybe he’ll think twice before eating rubber again…and now for sport…

All Petero Civoniceva wanted was a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, a local burglar had other ideas. The Penrith Panthers captain was disturbed in the middle of the night and went to the kitchen to investigate. He managed to apprehend the culprit, beating him about the head and shoulders with a Chinese soup spoon.

07 Jamie Soward Goes Fishing For Squid

…she’ll be eligible for parole in January 2075…and now for sport…

Jamie Soward is best known for his abilities on a rugby league field and his unusual goal kicking rituals. In his spare time, the StGeorge Illawarra player enjoys fishing for squid. He doesn’t eat them though. He uses the ink to refill his extensive collection of European fountain pens.

08 Johnathan Thurston Writes Best Selling Novel

…she didn’t realise the gun was loaded…and now for sport…

Johnathan Thurston has astounded literary critics around the world by penning a volume worthy of a Pulitzer Prize. The freakish halfback from the North Queensland Cowboys based all of the characters in the book on other NRL stars. The lead character, Mrs Loopington, was inspired by Peter Sterling.

09 Brett Kimmorley Plays Accordion At Wedding

…only 3 of the wedding guests survived…and now for sport…

Guests at a recent wedding were entertained by an impromptu performance by Brett Kimmorley. Known more for his cut out passes on a rugby league field, Mr Kimmorley wowed the crowd with a virtuoso performance on the squeeze box. The Canterbury Bulldogs player smiled and danced a little jig while his fingers moved across the keyboard in a fantastic blur.

10 Alan Tongue Accidentally Swallows Chop Sticks

…and then the bridge collapsed and all hell broke loose…and now for sport…

The Canberra Raiders rugby league team celebrated a recent victory at a local sushi bar in the nation’s capital. At some point during the night, Captain Alan Tongue managed to sneeze and swallow a pair of chop sticks. Doctors say nothing can be done until nature takes its course. “I just hope they don’t come out sideways,” Mr Tongue said.

11 Matt Orford Secures World Blinking Record

…his fingertips will now be surgically removed…and now for sport…

Astounded onlookers had to resort to pinching one another to prove they weren’t dreaming today. They witnessed Matt Orford’s successful attempt to break the world blinking record. The Manly Sea Eagle’s linchpin managed to open and close his eyes over 3000 times in one minute. Amazing!

12 Jarrod Mullen Dances For World Peace

…and the boat capsized just before the volcano erupted…and now for sport…

Newcastle Knights rising star Jarrod Mullen has been dancing for over 72 hours. In a letter to a popular Australian women’s magazine, Mr Mullen said he would not stop dancing until war was a distant memory. He already has a blister on his left ankle the size of a small rhinoceros.

13 Nathan Hindmarsh Lip Syncs Pop Songs

…the police reunited the man with his skin 3 weeks later…and now for sport…

Parramatta Eels living legend, Nathan Hindmarsh was lost for words this morning. It was revealed, the man-mountain, tackling machine likes to spend his spare time standing in front of the bathroom mirror miming the words to his favourite pop songs. Mr Hindmarsh refused to comment.

14 Roy Asotasi Burns Rubbish At Fete

…he said it was very rare for anyone to find body parts in cereal boxes…and now for sport…

A South Sydney Rabbitohs player fronted court today charged with starting a fire without a permit. Roy Asotasi attended a fete at a local primary school and had just eaten more than a dozen chocolate crackles when all hell broke loose. A teacher called police after noticing Mr Asotasi raking up rubbish and throwing a match in its general direction.

15 Craig Fitzgibbon Hides Neighbour’s Lotto Winnings

…and smoke from the fire is visible from Mars…and now for sport…

Sydney Rooster’s prankster Craig Fitzgibbon may have gone too far yesterday. The ultra-competitive rugby league star is known for his outlandish sense of humour and zany shenanigans. His next door neighbours have accused the bald clown of hiding their lotto winnings. Mr Fitzgibbon was unavailable for comment today.

16 Benji Marshall Denies Having Botox Injections

…and that’s why more and more babies are being born with facial hair…and now for sport…

Rugby league commentators have long believed Benji Marshalls youthful looks were due to his age. People close to the Wests Tigers and Kiwi’s champion are appalled at rumours suggesting he has lost the ability to frown due to overusing botox. Mr Marshall claims he’s just happy all the time.

I thought it would be a good idea to cash in the success of the Parramatta Eels song I’d uploaded nine days earlier. I filmed an acoustic, unplugged version which includes the chords just in case any budding Warriors fan guitar players wanted to learn it. It didn’t have the immediate impact I thought it may’ve but all in all I was pretty happy with the final result.

Over the next few weeks I will try and film similar clips for the other songs I’ve done. By the time I’ve written a song for all 15 of the Warriors opponents I should be able to release a CD and anyone who wants to will be able to learn the songs by watching these tutorial videos. Bye for now!

After the success of the Parramatta Eels song the week before I felt compelled to write a tune to correspond with the New Zealand Warriors clash with the Manly Sea Eagles. It has proven pretty popular, with traffic even coming from a Sea Eagles forum. I decided at this stage to write a different song to compliment each of the Warriors opponents in the NRL.

Luckily, for me, the Warriors went on to beat the Sea Eagles in a great contest, so I didn’t look like a fool for being so confident. Go the Warriors! The video clip showcased my incredible skills as a choreographer and went a long way towards launching my career as a cage dancer in various Auckland night spots.

The Warriors Rock (Sea Eagles)

The Warriors rock
Sea eagles don’t
Warriors win
Sea Eagles won’t

The Warriors rise up
The sea eagles fall
The Warriors are big
The sea eagles are small

The Warriors run headlong into battle
The sea eagles suck their thumbs & shake a rattle
Rock-a-bye baby on the sea shore
Little bits of sea eagle all over the floor

The Warriors win
Sea eagles sigh
Warriors grin
Sea eagles cry

Episode 5 of the Aussie Warriors Fan Show just happened to be the round 1 review instalment. It gave me the opportunity to gloat about my 100% tipping effort and bask in the glory of a first up win for the New Zealand Warriors. Included in this episode is a segment where I name who I thought were the five best Warriors player against the Parramatta Eels.

1. Lance Hohaia
2. Jerome Ropati
3. Joel Moon
4. Steve Price
5. Sam Rapira

I made special mention of the South Sydney Rabbitohs for beating the Sydney Roosters and the Bulldogs for smashing the defending premiers, the Manly Sea Eagles. Rugby league was, once again, the winner on the day and the Aussie Warriors Fan took a few more steps towards becoming famous in New Zealand.

The idea behind this clip was just an after-thought to the round 1 preview video. I thought it would be funny to rate all of the players involved in the clash between the New Zealand Warriors and the Parramatta Eels. I gave Luke Burt a big wrap and then declared him a 9.5 and then I went on to rate Wade McKinnon.

The whole thing falls apart in one of YouTube’s funniest moments, even if I do say so myself. Parramatta fans probably won’t find the funny side but hey, who cares? Not me! Anyway, sit back, relax and enjoy this fantastic rugby league inspired video. You won’t regret it……or maybe you will.

This preview of round 1 of the National Rugby League competition was uploaded to YouTube on Friday the 13th of March, 2009. Man, was I on a roll or what? I confidently made my footy tipping selections and wished Steve Price the best for his 300th game. I also hoped Hazem El Masri would break Andrew Johns’ point scoring record.

I ended up getting 8 out of 8 for my tips, Steve Price won his 300th game and had a blinder, and Hazem scored more than enough points to break the record. I couldn’t put a foot wrong. The Warriors played some great rugby league to smash the Parramatta Eels and I got my first taste of cyber stalking from my number 1 fan, YouTube user JoshieWellsie (good onya Joshie!).

After receiving positive feedback for the first episode a few days earlier, I decided to write a song about the Warriors upcoming game against the Parramatta Eels. The result was a stirring anthem that inspired everyone who heard it. It remains the most viewed of all of the Aussie Warriors Fan videos found on the 3rd Nerd Channel.

Rugby league fans around the globe, but especially in New Zealand found the song and clip entertaining and once again my grew too large to fit through narrow doorways. Thankfully the Warriors managed to smash the Eels in round 1 and I was left looking like an absolute champion.

Heed the Warning

A Warrior is fearless
He never quits or kneels
His dominance is peerless
Watch out you little eels

A Warrior has power
A man of rock and steel
And in his finest hour
He’ll crush the little eel

Heed the warning little eels
We know you know how losing feels
The Warriors are back
An army clad in black
Heed the warning little eels
We will take the battle field
And we will never ever yield
We don’t know the word defeat
Stand and watch the eels retreat
Heed the warning little eels

A Warrior is ruthless
It’s useless to appeal
He’s lethal and relentless
See you later little eel